Still in my cube
I walked quite a distance and ended up in a coffee shop a block away from K’s hotel. Yes, I walked in a circle and no, I did not realize my feet were taking me there.
In that cold café with hard-backed mahogany chairs, I sat alone sipping our favorite Café Mocha. I was not really thinking of anything. I felt numb and when he pleaded (through text) that I take care, I just told him that I can and will be ok.
I guess I was just making myself believe that I was a strong young woman who can take on any heartache. But I was already screaming inside, I was slowly tearing apart and there was nothing I could think of doing.
I called Mellow, funny she’s becoming a regular fixture of my day, especially during my emo moments. We drove back to that compound a block away from his hotel for a drink. I started to rant while she listened and uttered the occasional “puta”, “what the fuck” and “what the hell”.
But fate was not done tormenting me. He came into the same bar with his sister. Well, it was the sister who stepped in but when she saw me, she drew back but not before I realized who was there. I signaled K to come in but he just shrugged and followed his sister to the other bar.
Already tipsy from one bottle to Gilbey’s Premium (you wouldn’t believe how easy it is to get me drunk with beer), I asked him (thru text) to tag his sister along and join us. As I expected, he did not reply. But minutes after and while some guys were buying us more beer, he stood by the bar’s door arguing (or so it seemed) with his sister. I could see that he wanted to come in. Or maybe it was just me hoping that he would make up for the insult he slapped on my naked face earlier.
But he just disappeared. And I got drunker and drunker. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep since the Boracay weekend and the heart break nibbling at my sanity. Mellow forced me to move my ass to her car. I called him, asking or practically begging him to come to me and leave his sister with the other guys. He said no, he was baby-sitting the 23-year-old bitch.
I said a lot of things I am ashamed of now. I made such a cheap pussy out of myself. K may have made me feel like a prostitute. But I turned myself into a slut hungry for his attention.
I know that was the last straw. I don't know if I can still show my face to him again.
I seriously crossed the line.
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