9:00 PM, In my bedroom
I have read so much good reviews about Avenue Q and more than ever, I wish that Davao City is more inclined to the theater arts. You see, we don't get to watch musicals anytime we want to. This is not Makati for chrissake.
But there was one line in the musical I heard about that struck me most as true: "there is a fine, fine line between love and wasting your time". The moment I read the line, I realized the rut that I am currently in.
I started asking myself: has love become that overrated that it is now considered close to being a waste of time? Whatever happened to the good old cheesy "love is blind" and "love makes the world go round" stuff? Have we all become so cynical about it all of a sudden?
I used to be in love with love. Attached or unattached, I was an avid fan of mushy lines, romantic dates, red roses, chocolates and the whole she-bang. But as I got older, I learned that love is not just about lovey-dovey, baby talk and cheesy lines. It's also about cry-your-lungs-and-heart-out pain and scream-til-you're-dead fights that end up making you miserable and drained.
This isn't what I signed up for when I started dating at a very young age. And now 10 years into the game, I am exhausted and almost ready to raise the white flag.
You see, loving someone has become more a task than a pleasure for me. Sure, I still get that tingly warm sensation down my spine when I see the person but it all boils down to what you feel after the tingling has subsided.
I met this guy in Boracay two weeks ago and it seemed to me like for a moment, the sky lit up with fireworks for us. I knew then that it was just one of those exciting things one can't wait to sample when given the chance.
It was there, and I tasted it, buried myself into it, indulged and let myself go in too deep. I hooked up with him twice and one more time when he arrived in Davao. Stupid, eh? Stupid is an understatement.
For a while there, I lost myself in his arms, I drowned myself in his kisses in the ocean, on the shore, under the pillows and sheets. I created a dreamworld with him as my knight and before I realized it, I fell in love.
It was not just the kind where you fall and smile about it. It was the worse kind: i could not wipe the smile off my face when he texts or calls but I also could not function like a normal person.
Emotion ran me over like a Mack truck and before I knew it, I swore I was willing to endure the pain (and dryspell) of an LDR for him. We had such a great connection from the start until he started his MIA spree for three days.
I just called him a minute ago because I could not take the torture of waiting for a text anymore. He explained that he had been busy and then he dropped the bomb.
He explained that he is leaving soon and he's getting freaked by my Facebook status (reality check: it's been more than 48 hours). Damn him for reading between the lines. Or maybe I was too obvious. That's one of my problems, I wear my heart like a neon sign right smack on my forehead.
So much for the dreamboat. Yes, I may have loved him for a moment but he might just be a total waste of time.
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