the three-night stand before the stand-off

3:18 AM, April 10, 2010

Let's just call him K. He's pretty eccentric being an enlisted officer patrolling waters of a distant country out west. He's not a "puti" but he might as well be, spending the last 21 years of his life in the land of milk and honey.

We met on the third night of our vacation in Boracay last March. Intoxicated by the Margaritas and GPS and the insanely good music Club Paraw was playing, I was sitting there on one of the bean bags trying out a stick I knew I'm not supposed to smoke.

He went over and asked for a light. I told him I didn't have one (I forgot if the stick was lit or not) and he asked if he can just sit with us instead. Boy, he was smooth but it was nothing new to me. The previous nights I spent in Boracay was of the same old scene: someone comes over, asks you for a light, or the time or whatever and then he either sits with you or starts to do the bump and grind.

So I let him share my bean bag and chatted him up. I do not remember exactly what we talked about but the conversation eventually led to where we come from and how long we are staying. We told them (he was with a cousin) that we hail from Davao City and they said they come from the same city. K said he's flying to Davao after Boracay and asked if he could contact me. I gave him my number. Big mistake.

(photo credits: OAP)

We talked some more and after a lot of I-want-to-but-I'm-scared arguments about taking a dip, I agreed to tread the dark waters with him. I was really tipsy then but I dared myself and went for a swim. After all, it's our second to the last night in paradise.

And there in the ice-cold waters of Boracay, I clung to him for dear life while he lead me to deeper waters and as predictable as clock-work, he kissed me. We talked some more about him being an accident and how he came to the west and everything and we kissed again. Needless to say, one thing led to another.

The morning after, he walked me back to our hotel and he stayed for a bit. We talked some more and agreed to meet at the same bar on our last night. A good two hours after he went off to have breakfast with his family, I was still blissed out and spent from what we did. And then I couldn't wait for the sun to set.

We hooked up again that night but not before a lot of disappointments. Jessica and I came early to reserve seats while Mellow nursed her fresh tattoo. We waited for almost four hours, dancing with some very good-looking guys. I even remembered myself speculating what K might think if he saw me doing my thing with a younger guy and that was when I realized I was in trouble big time. I was not supposed to care what he would think. We just had a one-night-stand for chrissake.

I already knew I was in big trouble when we parted ways the morning after. I knew I gave too much of myself away. I could not stop kissing him and when I did, I closed my eyes. I know it's never bad to close my eyes when kissing but it was too personal for me. I only close my eyes while kissing when I trust the person I was locking lips with.

I left Boracay with a heavy heart. An hour before we checked out of the hotel, I walked a good way to Station 2 hoping I would bump into him. Of course I did not, and I was thankful I was smart enough not to ask for his number. I knew that if I did, I would have found all the excuses in the world to text him.

He called the day he arrived in Manila. He said he's going to be in Davao that night and will be staying with his mother. He was meeting families after all. He sent me an email asking me about my schedule and whether we can meet for a movie, a date or supper.

Communicating with him was crappy. He would text and stop doing it all of a sudden, leaving questions unanswered. But I did understand that he was not used to the phone and the whole concept of being around. He became so caught up with meeting families and when we finally met up on a Monday, he looked too exhausted I did not want him to spend too much time running around with crazy me.

But it did not stop me from swimming in the thoughts that this can be the start of something good. We had such a great connection: our hands entwine perfectly, my head fits just right on his shoulder, and he said I was a good height for him. I was tingly all over my body the whole time I was with him. We kissed whenever we felt like it, even when going up the mall escalator or in the middle of ordering our cafe mochas. He even let me tidy him up and said he's comfortable with me doing it despite his being independent.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was singing a A Thousand Miles for him. "Coz you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I can just see you tonight." I already walked a good mile for him in Boracay and I was willing to do another to be with him.

I was in too deep and I had to admit to myself that no matter how wrong it felt and no matter how illogical, stupid and crazy it seemed, I fell for K. Hard.

And now he's brushing me off like some dust accumulated on his sleeve for the past two weeks.

"It always seemed so wrong and I don't belong living in your precious memory."

Damn.