I love you, goodbye

7:24 PM, April 13, 2010-04-13

In my bedroom

I realized that I got so drunk last night because I needed the courage to do a lot of things. Most of all, I needed the courage to tell K how much I love him.

The original plan was to do it with flair. I got the idea from Cosmo’s V who fessed up to loving Matt through a blog she slaved on. But time was my enemy and in between work, hanging out with him, and trying to compress a whole universe of emotion into a single blog, I did not have much choice.

So there, in that dark corner of our favourite café, I composed a text message to K apologizing for what I did and putting into words, finally, that I fell for him in the five incomplete days we spent together.

And then I wrote him quite a lengthy email spilling out what the text message cannot express. I knew it was the most stupid thing to do when you know that there’s nothing more you can get out of it. But I was already there, I already crossed the line and there was no turning back.

I gave him the book I was reading. In so many ways, I related what we had to what Maria and Ralf Hart had in Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coello. I had no face to show so I just took a cab to his hotel at 4AM and dropped it off on the front desk asking the guy there to give it to him and to no one else.

I may never know whether he received the book or the email I sent him. Maybe he did but since he did not send me any message through text, email or Facebook, I now put two and two together. He does not want anything to do with  it or with me anymore.

K may have liked me while it lasted. He may even have loved me at some point. He may have been the only man who was able to really sweep me off my feet.

But then again, he dropped me on my cute sexy ass.

So that’s the end of it. The end of K.