Getting over my biggest heartbreak

4:50 AM, in my bedroom

April 26, 2010

I’ve always thought I would never get over him.

For more times than I could count, I pictured him realizing one day that he needed me and he will then run back into my loving arms. Four years after we said goodbye, there was no moment that I did not think of what went wrong and what we could have done to save what we had. 

Erick was my greatest love and he was my biggest heartbreak.

We eventually became friends, just like any other ex-couple who were friends before they became something else. It was a painful process of talking about our current love lives, catching up and reliving great memories. But we never talked about that day we stood in front of his favourite hangout: me crying and him trying to make me stop.

I guess exes can never really talk about break-ups that way. We might laugh at it at some point but we can never discuss who cried and who broke it off. It was awkward but it was in the very least, a healthier place for us.

I started hanging out with him again since my last birthday. It was one of those unplanned meetups. We did not know where to go and what to do. We drove around the city, laughed out loud and yes, kissed at one point. Sparks flew, at least for me. But we both knew we had to stop and think about our current relationships (I was with my then boyfriend Carlo and he was with his present love, Bea).

That was the start, and weeks after that kiss, we’re now what you can call best friends with benefits. The benefits being: we chat whenever we have nobody else to talk to, he can call me and ask me to come over when he cannot sleep (then we’d drive around again), I can call him anytime I want to have a drink and talk about my recent heart break and last, I have an on-call date whenever there’s no one else available.

We both agreed that we are so much better off as friends. It’s a perfect arrangement save for one minor glitch. I did not know whether I was over him or not.

Erick was my greatest heart break and no one can blame me if I fall a little for him again if we kissed or even touched. So one after-midnight drive with him, I leaned on his shoulder and looked at him. And boy, he looked great. But in that same moment, I saw someone else’s face, I felt someone else’s shoulder, I breathed in someone else’s scent. I saw K, I felt K and I breathed K in.

And that made me certain I was finally over Erick.

But I could not help but wonder: now that Erick has ceased to be my biggest heart break, will K be taking his place?